Dennis Tuuri

So, sermon scripture is found in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4. We’ll read verses 1-5. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-5. And this is the message that God has particularly ordained for us this day to carry into our homes and into our everyday lives. Please stand for the reading of God’s word. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-5.

Furthermore, then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as you have received of us how you ought to walk and to please God, so you would abound more and more. For you know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication, that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God.

You may be seated. Reading the books of Ezra and Nehemiah, that those who could have understanding came forward to hear the exposition of the law by the instructors of the law, the Levites.

So at this time, we do make provision for those younger children among us whose parents would like them to hear Bible truths taught to them at their level that would not be able to understand the sermon. So at this time, if the younger children would like to be dismissed to go to their Sabbath schools, their parents desire that, you may go now. The children will rejoin us as we move back to the worship of offering.

By the way, while we’re getting ready to get into the sermon, I guess my outlines—I placed them down underneath the orders of worship originally. So, if you didn’t get one, Kent, would you mind maybe passing these out up here? Or you could even go to the back table if you want. Also, this is the outline for today’s sermon. I’m sorry that it was underneath the orders of worship. If you need one, just lift your hand. Perhaps that’d be a good way to do it.

As you can see from the outline, if you’ve gotten yours yet, the topic is holiness and sexual relations. We’re looking particularly at verses the second half of verse 3 through verse 5 of the text we just read, which reads that you should abstain from fornication, that everyone of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles, which know not God.

This is, as we said last week, the first of a series of very practical instructions that Paul sends to the Thessalonians in order to assist them and produce God’s word to them that they might be sanctified increasingly. We talked last week about the doctrine of sanctification—that it is a process. There is a definitive aspect in which we’re once for all set apart to God. But there is a process at work in which we become more and more perfected to the image of our savior Jesus Christ by the ministration of the Holy Spirit as he takes God’s word, writes it upon our hearts and brings us into obedience to it.

There’s a negative aspect of abstaining from sin. There’s a positive aspect in sanctification of doing what’s right. And the model for all that as pointed out in the Westminster Confession that we read last week in various verses is the death and resurrection of our savior. We’re increasingly to mortify those members of our bodies that in terms of their use for sinful purposes, mortify ourselves to sinful lust, etc., but see ourselves enlivened and resurrected as it were to perform things in obedience to God’s word that are pleasing in his sight.

And so the first thing that Paul addresses is sexual relations within marriage—within marriage itself specifically. And so the first thing we see from this is that sexual relations are indeed a very vital part of the Christian’s God-pleasing walk where it is to be sanctified increasingly. That’s what God’s work in us is to produce a God-pleasing walk. And the word walk means everything that we do.

I used earlier in the chapter. Now I was thinking on the way in how difficult it is simply to do the obvious things of being patient with each other and longsuffering. And we’re talking about something today that maybe is particularly difficult in the kind of world in which we live, approaching sexual relations in a way that would be pleasing to God. But it’s important to recognize that this is part of the process of sanctification. And I wanted to just by way of review a little bit, but also by way of preparing us for this topic, to read a couple of questions out of a book from the early 1800s that I recently got.

It’s a book of letters to one’s sister. And it’s a very good overall view of the faith. It’s I don’t know 250, 300 pages long or so. And toward the end, he gives his sister a series of questions to help her evaluate her life. There are questions for the day, the evening before Sabbath. There are questions that she should be used for herself on Sabbath evening. There are questions to be used throughout the week. There are questions that are for use when she only has a little bit of time. There are questions for her to use in terms of self-examination when she has a lot of time. And then he also includes some questions from a man named Dr. Doddridge.

I thought I would just read some of those and I may do this again next week and the week after. I do this to help us remember that what we talked about last week. Sanctification is a process and we are called to do this. Yes, God sanctifies us increasingly, but we are also commanded to sanctify ourselves. We talked about the way that worked last week some, but it’s very important that we understand that evaluation of our actions, looking back over the day at the end of the day, looking back over the week at the end of the week is an important part of the growth in grace that God would have us be involved with.

Therefore, I’m just going to read a couple of these questions and perhaps you can use these in your own family worship time or to teach your children or even yourself. I’ll read the ones that are to be used when time is very limited since that’s our situation now. First, he says you should ask yourself: With what feelings did I compose myself to sleep last night? How are my thoughts employed during the wakeful hours of the night? And what were my feelings on awakening? How did I begin the day?

So, he says, “Think about the way you went to sleep. Think about were you meditating upon God? Were you thinking on good things or bad things? Were you at peace with God? Were you troubled about something you’ve done wrong, etc.” And then if you’ve been awake during the middle hours of the night at some point in time waking up, were you then thinking also of God and of your walk or were you then under the control of the Holy Spirit in that period? And then what is your feeling upon awakening?

Most of us—little kids particularly—they wake up and they think of food first thing. Well, I think when we wake up, we should have thoughts of thanksgiving to God for seeing us through the evening and for giving us a new day to walk in obedience to him. We’ve said before that the alarm clock can be seen as a call to worship by God—that what we do here on Sunday is a model for what we do during the week. And we should ask ourselves that at the end of the day: frequently, how did we wake up this morning? How did I begin the day? Was I thinking about God? Was I thinking that this is the day in which I’m to please God in all that I do?

With what feelings and spirit have I engaged in the various devotions of this day? How have I enjoyed my hours of leisure? How have I performed the business of the day? And what has been the spirit of my intercourse with others?

How, at the end of the day, you can evaluate how your devotions were in your family or your own personal devotions. Was it a good time? Did you learn from God’s word? Were you there to learn? You can evaluate your times of leisure during the day. Were they used profitably for God? And were you thinking upon God in your relaxation times, your times of leisure and recreation? How did you perform the business of the day—manage your vocational calling? Were you thinking about how God’s word relates to it? Were you being a good employer or a good employee rather—working hard and diligently for your employer? Did you get to work on time? Is there sin in terms of the workplace that you must confess before God?

What’s been the spirit of my intercourse with others? How did I interact with my fellow employees or with the other members of the family if you’re not gone at work during the day, but rather at home? Was I kind to my brother and sister? Did I treat them well? Did I try to get along with them? Was I useful and patient with them?

What errors or what sins have I committed in thought, word, or deed? What spiritual affections have I experienced? And what has been their effect upon me since? Have I made any progress in the Christian race? Have I made any progress in the Christian race?

We were noticing coming across the bridge—the I-5 bridge, Markham Bridge, I guess it is—this afternoon, there’s boat races going on down there in the river. They just go around and around in a circle. Well, the Christian race is not a circular race. The Christian race is a forward race in which we’re going to be progressing increasingly to the final goal of being with Christ in heaven. But our race is to be progressive and we must evaluate ourselves on a consistent basis that we might progress in that race and run it the way Paul did—as to win and as to do well in our walk.

So part of all the sanctification process is evaluation, and I’ll try to give you some things to evaluate how well you apply the lessons of this sermon at the end of the sermon itself and help us to evaluate our growing sanctification in terms of sexual relations as well.

Now the message actually begins by having the statement that you should abstain from fornication. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on this, but it’s important that you know that term fornication does not mean adultery. It’s a separate term. It does not mean strictly speaking sexual relations with somebody other than your wife or husband who is not married as well, or it doesn’t refer to simple illicit sexual relationships outside of marriage. All those things are obviously condemned, but the term fornication is a very broad term. And it’s used in very in the context of other terms in the scriptures and in the epistles that are broad terms that are not specifically used yet is almost correlated down to verse 7.

Look at verse 7 when he says, “For God has not called us unto uncleanness but unto holiness.” So back in verse 3, he says, “The will of God is your sanctification that you should abstain from fornication.” So it’s a corollary as it were to this uncleanness as opposed to holiness. And it has that kind of general context to it in the scriptures of uncleanness. It doesn’t refer exclusively to sexual sin, although that is oftentimes the primary emphasis of the word.

And so I think that what he does here is give a general term for uncleanness. And then we’re going to look at several areas in which our uncleanness can be found. One is sexual relations certainly, but the other we’ll talk about next week is business. And then after that, a love of the brethren and how we live our everyday lives. And in all these things, we can sin against God. And it certainly is related to sexual sin as well.

And sexual sin itself is a particularly worrisome element in terms of—I’ll just go quickly through some verses that point out the importance of hearing what God has to say about sexual relationships in terms of the application of the term fornication. In Acts 15:20, we read of the Council of Jerusalem. Remember there was a problem in the churches. They said, “What are we going to tell the Gentiles, the new converts, how they should walk, what their ethical requirements should be?” Some were trying to tell them they had to be circumcised in order to be saved. The Council of Jerusalem gave some prohibitions to the churches. They said right unto them that they abstained from pollutions of idols and from fornication and from things strangled and from blood.

Without elaborating on it, I’ve said before that I think that refers back to Leviticus 17, the beginning of what’s known as the holiness code in the book of Leviticus that gives specific instructions how we are all to live our lives. Up to that point it’s talking about the priestly requirements, etc. And then in Leviticus 16 is the Day of Atonement, and there fornication I think has its primary reference to sexual sin. And so it is one of the very beginnings of a walk of holiness—to walk correctly in terms of sexual relations.

Revelation 2 has two different warnings against two different churches. First in verse 14: I have this against you—this is the church of Pergamum—that you have some that hold the doctrine of Balaam who taught Balak to cast a stumbling block before the children of Israel to eat things sacrificed unto idols and to commit fornication, sexual sin. So he’s warning them: take care of this or I’ll remove the lampstand from out of your midst.

Verse 18: he writes to the angel of the church of Thyatira and he tells them in verse 20 he says, “Well, you’ve got a lot of good things going for you, but be careful because I have this against you. Thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calls herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants, to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed to idols.”

So he warns them there too. Yeah, you’ve got a lot of good things going, but be very careful that you don’t allow a perverted view of sexual relations to take root in the context of your congregation. Now, Paul has told the Thessalonians, you’re doing a lot of good things. But as soon as he begins to give them practical instructions as to how to continue in their walk of holiness, he instructs them right off the bat on the matter of sexual relations and fornication. Very important.

1 Corinthians 6:15 and following are important texts that tell us the importance of this sort of sin. He talks about joining yourself to a harlot. In verse 16, he says—verse 17—that he that is joined to the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Verse 18: Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that committeth fornication and—here the emphasis upon sexual sin—sinneth against his own body.

What know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own? Now, this verse is used a lot of times, verse 19, to talk against various things you ingest or eat. That is not the purpose of the verse. And to use that verse in that way is to completely blunt the plain teaching of the verse, which is that sexual sin particularly has an onerous and very burdensome element to it.

Calvin speaking on this particular verse in his commentary said that my hand that is true—say my hand that is true—is defiled by theft or murder, my tongue by evil speaking or perjury, and the whole body by drunkenness. But fornication leaves a stain impressed upon the body such as is not impressed upon it by other sins. And that’s the point of this verse. That’s what it clearly teaches. That sexual sin in particular leaves a particular stain or effect upon your relationship to God that is much more devastating than drunkenness, perjury, false speaking, etc. It is said that this is the one sin that has this kind of extreme element to it. And so it’s very important that we recognize that this is an area of our walk that needs to be conformed to God’s word. And certainly all areas of our walk need to be, but this one particularly so because failure to do so can result in tremendous judgment and tremendous problems in our lives.

Now, typical of comments relating to sexual sin, and I’m going to read an extended quote here from Ronald Wallace’s book, Calvin’s Doctrine of the Christian Life, to give you Calvin’s perspective of sexual sin. And I have a couple of reasons for doing this, but I’m going to go ahead and read this quote now.

Vitiated sex relationships is another important aspect of human life by which terrible disorder can enter the life of society and the individual can lose control of himself in fearful excess. It is in the face of this temptation that men need the fear of God which alone can hold them in check and need to pray that God will control us that our evil affections may be subdued and that this cursed lust may neither reign nor have any place nor access within us.

He quoted directly from Calvin. He says, “It was in order that men might be on guard against such temptations that Calvin explained or expressed rather his strong disapproval both of the loose talk and songs of society in his day and of dancing.” A text he obviously has often in mind in this connection is 1 Corinthians 15:33. Evil communications corrupt good manners. If we receive such dissolute communications, they unconsciously to ourselves sink deep into our hearts and take control of us.

Okay, so he’s saying sexual sin can cause tremendous disorders in civil society and therefore you got to really guard against it. And that’s why you got to be very careful what you expose yourself to in terms of stage plays or songs and entertainment, etc. Certainly we can all see the validity of that.

He goes on to say: Moreover, when our own tongues are themselves infected by such talk there is also a sign of deeprooted evil. Calvin could go the length of warning his congregation that to teach a young girl to sing suggestive love songs was to make a wanton or harlot out of her before she had ever known knowledge of sexual vice or choice in the matter of chastity.

But dancing was also for Calvin a method of evil communication. Even though it was obviously argued against him that there was no harm at all in dancing as was introduced or conducted in Geneva in his day, Calvin asserted that such dancing was a preamble to sexual vice and opened the door for the entrance of Satan to create disorder in human life.

Within the marriage bond itself, Calvin said, there is need for the constant avoidance of excessive intemperance. Conjugal intercourse is a thing pure, honorable, and holy because it is the pure institution of God. A sense of shame is inseparable from such intercourse. This shame is due to the fact that everything which proceeds from man since the fall is corrupted, and intemperance and excess is bound to accompany such intercourse. Marriage however, is a veil by which the fault of such intemperance in marriage is covered over and what is shameful in it is cleansed so that neither before God nor the angels has it any unworthiness.

Yet marriage is such a remedy for incontinency only if it be used such temperately.

So Calvin says, you know, sexual vices are terrible. You got to really watch what you’re doing. Even within marriage, sexual sin can take its place. And in fact, all actual acts he says are tinged with jealousy because they’re all tinged with sin. Now these things are pretty much true. Most of what he writes is true, but I think it’s a commentary that is all too often the primary approach that Christians takes to the matter of correct sexual relations. And that is they always talk about the negative side.

Conservative Christianity is good and trying to avoid sexual immorality in our land and in our homes. That’s good. But to stress only that side of the equation, the negative side, I think falls short of what scriptures do. Paul says, “Yes, sexual relationships are very important to be sanctified to God and to be holy. But there are components of sexual relations that make them holy. There are good valid components of holy sexual relations.”

And he actually starts with the positive here before he gets to the negative in verse 5. In verse 4, he says, “Every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor.” The positive sign. Then in verse 5, he says, “Not of the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God.” And all too often, verse 5 is the only thing we hear about and verse 4 is not spoken to.

So let’s spend a little bit of time on verse 4 now and talk about components of holy sexual relationships. Now, how much to share the term possess his vessel in the King James version. Anybody hear of a New International Version Bible? Okay. In the New International Version Bible, it says that he should know how to control his body or something to that extent. And there is a footnote to the fact that it might be talking about the wife. Now, that’s a very poor translation.

I think there is a problem here as to what’s specifically being said. There are two words: possess, vessel. And the word vessel is used of containers or of objects or implements. The word possess really means to obtain. For instance, in Luke 18:12, we read that I fast twice in the week. I give tithes of all that I possess. Now, the man—the Pharisee there—is not saying he gives tithes of everything that he has every week. He’s saying what he gets, what he possesses, what he obtains, he tithes on in accordance to God’s word.

So the word possess there—the same Greek word as in possess your vessel—really means to obtain, not to have. Okay. Acts 1:18: Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity. Judas purchased, obtained. Same Greek word is used there. Okay. Now that’s important to remember—that word means obtain. If the vessel refers to our body, how can you obtain your body? See, you don’t. That’s why I’m convinced that this text really refers to a sexual relationship with one’s wife—to obtain a wife and then also to live with her correctly.

The term vessel itself is also a term of some debate in terms of what it means. In First Peter, we read that the wife is the weaker vessel, which many says gets rid of the argument because it’s obviously referring to the wife. But remember when it says the wife is the weaker vessel, the weaker vessel, the men are the stronger vessel. Right? Men and women are talked about in First Peter as vessels of God’s Holy Spirit. We’re vessels of holiness be used by God under the control of his Holy Spirit. And so it definitely refers to our bodies, but it can refer to male or female.

So it could refer to the body here, but I think that the term possessed, meaning obtain, definitely points us to obtaining a wife correctly and living with her correctly. So that’s what it refers to. I could go into more detail, but it wouldn’t be a good use of our time, I don’t think.

One other verse though that I want to refer to this vessel concept is in Hebrews 9:21. We read that Jesus sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle and all the vessels of the ministry—or that may be Moses actually—the vessels of the ministry. Same word vessel. And I only bring this up because it’s a good way to think about our bodies, but certainly also the bodies of our wives in terms of sexual relationships within marriage.

Remember the vessels of the temple were all the supplements used to work in the context of the temple. And the priest did two things. He guarded those from becoming profaned, okay, from coming into contact with sinfulness or even uncleanness. But he also used those vessels in terms of worshiping God. And that’s the two-fold emphasis I think that would be a good picture to keep in our minds as we perform sexual relationships within marriage—is to see that there should we should keep our wives from spot, from sin, but also that the relationship is intended to be used by God to bring him honor and glory and to be honorable in his sight. So it’s important thing to remember.

Lensky said of this verse 4 that it is God’s will that every Christian is to know how to act in the matter of sex so as to be pleasing to God. That’s what this verse points to I believe. And so it’s talking about holy sexual relationships. Another verse along the same line is Hebrews 13:4. We read that marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Calvin in commenting on that verse in Hebrews said, “The addition about the undefiled bed, I make to mean that those joined in marriage should know that they cannot do what they please, but that their use of the lawful marriage bed ought to be moderate, so as to admit nothing that is contrary to the modesty and chastity of marriage.”

And the whole point of this is that the scriptures—what I’ve done so far is to say that scriptures say that in our sanctification process, it’s very important to know the restrictions and the correct purpose of sexual relationships in the context of marriage. And that’s what we’re going to talk about.

Then you know there’s that old Cole Porter song: “But heaven knows anything goes today.” And some people seem to think, even Christians, that anything goes in the context of sexual relationships as long as it’s done between husband and wife. The scriptures do not teach that. These verses teach explicitly against that. And I’ll go on to tell in some detail why I believe that’s true.

Ronald Ward in his commentary on this passage said the following. It might seem at first that Paul was thinking of a bad bachelor seeking the hand of a lady in marriage. But Oki—that’s Oki who wrote a book called—well it’s in German so I can’t tell you what it’s called—but Oki wrote suggests with a delicacy which matches that of the apostle that the marriage is already established. Paul was suggesting that in marital cohabitation the husband must constantly woo his wife and in a manner which honors her and does not treat her as the object of mere lust.

The spirit will accord with God’s ordinances. Genesis 1:28. And will be lived the life of holiness. If this standard is maintained, each one of you from the text will know how to take his own vessel repeatedly, which is the way Oki thinks the verse should be translated. It may be right to argue that the Christian wife is the weaker vessel of God, but she is still his wife. The use of the term vessel reminds the husband that his wife belongs to God. She is a vessel that belongs to God as we are vessels that belong to God. Let him therefore take her as God commanded and not as lust directs.

And that’s what Paul is saying here first—that there is a rightness and a wrongness to sexual relationships in terms of marriage itself. Both obtaining and then cohabiting with a wife in terms of the sexual relationship itself. Now he says that you should know how to possess your vessel. Have relations with your wife in sanctification and in honor. And so under this, what are the positive elements of this?

Well, the first is consecration of the sexual relationship to God. And it’s consecration first by the regulation of God’s word. 1 Timothy 4:5, speaking admittedly of food, but giving us, I think, a general principle, says that food and all things in life are set apart, sanctified, consecrated by what? By the word of God and by prayer. And so if the sexual relationship is to be sanctified, consecrated, set apart—to set apart first by the regulation of God’s word. Talk about the regulated principle about worship. This is the regulated principle of God’s word relative to sexual relationships. As we said in Hebrews, we read the marriage bed is undefiled. It means the whole relationship is to be regulated, cleansed, purified and kept from stain by God’s word administered by the Holy Spirit.

The two concepts of holiness here refers holiness to God and honor then to the wife. And holiness to God is to be found through the regulated principles of God’s word. First, prescriptively God’s word gives us proscriptions about sexual activity. Certain things that you cannot do. To summarize, I’ll read the Westminster Catechism. Its summary statements relating to the seventh commandment—thou shalt not commit adultery.

Remember that God’s law gives us these ten commandments which then cover a whole multitude of other sins and case laws point them out, and this is the summary statement of the Westminster divines on the seventh commandment:

What are the duties required in the seventh commandment? The duties required in the seventh commandment are chastity in body, mind, affections, words and behavior. They make no restriction on that to single people talking. But in their relationship as well and the preservation of it in ourselves and others, watchfulness over the eyes and all the senses, temperance, keeping of chastity, company, modesty, and apparel.

Then he goes on to talk about marriage, but I won’t read that because we’re talking today about relationships within marriage.

What are the sins forbidden in the seventh commandment? The sins forbidden in the seventh commandment besides the neglect of the duties required are adultery, fornication, rape, incest, sodomy, and all unnatural lust. All unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes, and affections. All corrupt or filthy communications or listening thereto, wanton looks, impudent or light behavior, immodest apparel. And he goes on to say, lascivious songs, books, pictures, dancing, stage plays, and all other provocations to and acts of undoing this either in ourselves or others.

God’s word commands these things. In general, it’s summarized nicely by the Westminster divines. These things are certainly true. We’ll talk about them a little bit more as we go on. And I want to mention one specific prohibition, and that is found in Leviticus 20:18, which prescribes sexual relationships during the menstrual cycle of the wife, explicitly telling us that a deliberate violation of the law by Leviticus 20:18 is seen as a very serious matter which results in the excommunication of the two willing partners whether they’re married or not.

So married people that deliberately violated the law against sexual—the prohibition of sexual relations during the menstrual cycle—were excommunicated, cut off from the people. Serious matter. Verse 22 Leviticus 20 said that the land will spew out such people. Lang referred to this sort of activity in his commentary as one which leads to a sickened land and a revolted nature. This prohibition is repeated in Exodus and in Ezekiel 18, which we shall read later.

Now this is just one example, but it is one proscription of a certain kind of sexual relationship within the context of marriage, and it is one way in which God says: “Holy unto me. Here I’m giving you laws governing this, and you shall not trespass those laws. If you do so, you do so at great consequence to yourself and to your wife.”

Now to sanctify is to acknowledge the separation from the world’s perspective of sexuality, and our world sees such prohibitions in a very negative light today. But it is more than that. It is of course sanctification unto a good perspective defined by God’s word. So while God’s word does indeed give us proscriptions in his word to sanctify the sexual relation, he also gives us prescriptions in line with his whole concept of sanctification as death and resurrection.

The scriptures repeatedly tell us, “Put off the old man, put on the new man. Put off the old ways of looking at the sexual relation that you had before you were converted or that the world teaches you and put on the good ways.” Galatians 5:16: Walk in the spirit, ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. And this is why it’s so important to look at the positive aspects as well of God’s word. Ephesians 4:22: Put off concerning the former conversations the old man. But then in Romans 13:13-14: Put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof.

So it is important to put off, for instance, sexual relationships in the menstrual cycle, but it’s important to put on a correct godly prescription for what the sexual relationship is to be. And while the subject is too big to be covered in its entirety, I think one of the important things to remember is the sexual relationship is to be a thing of great joy.

In the prescriptions we find in Proverbs 5:18 and 19: Let thy fountain be blessed. Rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving kind and pleasant roe. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always with her love. Holy, good and proper sexual relationships within marriage are not something that always had to be tinged with a sense of guilt. Regardless of what Calvin said, I suppose if we were really sensitive to all of our selfishness, that would be true. But God says this is primarily a relationship that is to be seen as one of joy, not one of guilt.

The Song of Solomon has many instances relating to this. Of course, I’ll just read one section out of Song of Solomon 4:9 and following. Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse. Thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck. How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse. How much better is thy love than wine, and the smell of thine ointments, than all spices. Thy lips, oh my spouse, drop as the honeycomb. Honey and milk are under thy tongue, and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of leaven. A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse, a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.

The scriptures tell us sexual relationships within marriage are to be a thing of great joy. They picture ultimately, of course, as does the entire marriage relationship, our salvation with Jesus Christ, our betrothal to him. But there’ll be a thing of great joy to us prescriptively from the word of God.

Wayne Mack in his book Strengthening Your Marriage quotes from Dwight Harvey Small, and he’s commenting I think here on Genesis 4:1. In Genesis 4:1, we read, “And Adam knew Eve his wife, and she became pregnant.” And he’s talking about the relationship. The word that’s used in the Old Testament of the sexual relationship is to know—to have knowledge of, to be in close communion with and to be one emotionally and in terms of consideration and tenderness, etc. And this is very important.

Small sums up then by saying: Sexual intercourse is much more than a physical act. It is a symbol of a spiritual relationship and the expression of the complete oneness of two persons in married love. It is the means by which they are confirmed and nourished in that union. Sexual intercourse is the physical establishment and confirmation of that oneness. The true dignity of sex is in its ability to enhance this personal unity between two persons who have committed themselves to each other in love and in marriage.

Again, he says that sexual relations are a means of expressing, establishing, confirming, enhancing, and nourishing the complete oneness of two people in marital love. The scriptures give us many prescriptions about sexual relation that it is be a thing of joy and of growing oneness. It is be a good thing in the context of correctly performed in terms of the scriptures.

The scriptures also point out in terms of their prescriptions that such relations are to be regular and continuous. We’ve talked about that before from Paul’s epistle to the Corinthians. Regular and continuous, not interrupted except it be for a period of prayer and fasting which may actually conjoin with the menstrual cycle of the wife. Okay. So the word of God sanctifies. But as Timothy wrote there, the food and all things are sanctified by the word of God and by prayer. And I think that this is one important aspect of sexual relationships that probably is not very often done by Christians.

I’m not going to ask you now, but you may just ask yourself, when was the last time you prayed that you would grow in grace in that particular aspect of your Christian life? And yet Paul says here, it’s a very important aspect and very important in terms of the development of our holiness before God.

I would suggest three things by way of prayer here. First, thanksgiving. If is to be a thing of great joy and is a picture of the great oneness and develops and nourishes that oneness between husband and wife—what a great gift of God to his people. The heart of the marriage relationship itself is the physical relationship which then becomes the means also whereby a godly seed is produced for God. Children come forth in that union. And what a great thanksgiving we should give to God for this joyous aspect of our lives. And we should regularly thank God for sexual relationships within marriage.

But secondly, ultimately people don’t feel very thankful about sexual relationships because we live in the context of a world probably every bit as wicked as the world to which the Thessalonians were raised in as well. And so we live in the context where if you listen at all to the world around us and you really cannot block it out totally, sexual relationships are twisted, perverted. I heard things on the radio this last week about some lesbians that would just curl your hair. Terrible, terrible things are going on.

And it’s very hard for us to just simply step back from all of this in terms of sexual relationships and not be affected by it somewhat. So I think that in many churches across our country and probably in many families here there’s a great deal of guilt bound up in this part of our lives, and it’s so important that we deal with that. It’s an important aspect of our Christian life. Paul says that, and it’s an important aspect to clear up any guilt in as well.

And so secondly, our prayers should be prayers of confession. Confession of our sexual sins in this area. Many people today, and it is the rare exception when you find couples that have not prior to getting married sinned in the area of sexual sin and fornication. That’s the rare exception today. And so these things have developed patterns—not just of thought, but of actual actions—in our lives. We should make confession of those past sins and understand God’s great forgiveness given to us through the person and work of our savior Jesus Christ.

David said, “I confess my sins and God forgave me those sins.” And it’s very important that we appropriate that forgiveness of sins that is offered. Confession is an important aspect. If your sexual life has never been one in which you’ve confessed your sins, it’s very important before God to do that. And otherwise you take a lot of that guilt and shame into your relationship with your wife or husband and then that perverts the relationship itself.

So secondly, confession. And then third, intercession. Actually praying for yourself that you would grow in an understanding of the sexual relationship, its importance, and you would grow in your sanctification process in terms of being more and more pleasing and giving of yourself to your spouse and being less selfish in this area, becoming more and more to grow in holiness. And pray also for your mate. Pray that God would minister to you through his Holy Spirit.

I think this is a very important aspect in which we all can begin to apply immediately—and praying that God would cause us to grow in grace in this aspect of our relationships in terms of the family as well. Okay? Set apart by the word of God, its prescriptions, its proscriptions, and also by prayer—prayer of thanksgiving, confession, and then intercession.

But then secondly, Paul says that you should know how to possess your vessel, to have sexual relationships with your wife in sanctification and honor. Honor—a very important part of correct biblical sexual relationships. Honor—the term means to properly evaluate or place value upon something. It’s used in scripture, and I give you some references there to actually refer to a payment, a payment.

Matthew 27:6 says the 30 pieces of silver were the price of blood. The payment—that same word is used as honor. In Acts 4:34 they sold the houses and they brought the prices of the things that were sold and gave them, put them at the apostles feet—price. So to honor sexual relationships, to have honorable sexual relationships means to properly evaluate them and give due consideration to them.

Now in Romans 12:10, the concept of honoring one another is brought in. It says, “Be kindly affection one to the other with brotherly love in honor preferring one another.” And so honorable sexual relationships are ones that are not selfish, but rather that in honor you prefer one to the other.

In 1 Corinthians 6:20, you were brought with a price—price of Christ’s precious blood. Of course, that word price is the same word of honor, correct valuation, or pay. But he goes on to say, “Therefore, glorify God in your body.” And it’s very important to recognize that honoring sexual relationship shows is a bringing our minds into submission to the teaching of God’s word that our bodies are important—not in a negative sense, but in a positive sense as well. The body is a tremendous gift of God and it’s not to be something that’s to be disdained or thought of in a negative sense.

The idea of the resurrection is constantly taught in scripture. The concept of the immortality of the soul—while perhaps a correct derivative from the scripture—is never stressed. Why? Because the scriptures teach, as Paul does later in this very chapter, that the sanctification refers to our soul and body and mind. God doesn’t want us to picture, you know, some of these Star Trek episodes show civilizations that are tremendously advanced and they become pure thought, you know, with no bodies. That’s not God’s picture. God’s picture is that one day after we die—when Christ returns—he resurrects us and gives us a new body. And bodies are important, and therefore sexual relationships are as well. They’re to be seen as honorable by correctly evaluating the importance of these things.

2 Timothy 2:21 again just basically repeats the same thing, so I won’t quote it.

1 Peter 3:7: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers not be hindered.” And so honor is very important. First of all in terms of our attitude, having the correct attitude to sexual relationships first. And secondly, having the correct attitude toward our wives, and that is that they’re to be honored and given a correct evaluation by us.

Secondly, in terms of knowledge, to honor—to have—for the sexual relationship to be honorable, we must have knowledge about the mate as well. Women are different than men. That’s one of the things that’s very obvious when you talk about sexual relationships, but it’s one of the things that goes on deaf ears all too often.

Jesus did not warn women primarily of the improper use of their eyes when looking at other men. Now, I know that in our culture, we have some very twisted things going on and women have actually, I think in many cases, whipped themselves up so they could look at pictures of naked men and get excited. But that’s not what God says is the big problem. The big problem is men and their perception of women.

Why is that? Because he has made men differently. And men are normally very rapidly aroused sexually by sight. And so we see the prohibition against that. We see Job saying he made a covenant with his eyes—be careful what he looked at. And we read in the proverbs of the danger of men who look at the woman—they look at the woman, the strange woman, or are carried away into adultery through that. Men are that way.

And we should, to be honorable in our sexual relationships, want to be very—the wife should be very careful how they approach their husbands to make sure that he doesn’t fall into the lust of concupiscence, which we’ll talk about in a minute, but into a godly passion or desire. Women on the other hand don’t have these kind of things spoken of frequently in scripture. But on the other hand, there are repeated warnings to men…