Dennis Tuuri

# 1 Corinthians 7: Our Single Purpose/Marriage and Idolatry
## Sermon Notes for November 4, 2012 by Pastor Dennis R. Tuuri

We turn to the second great chapter on marriage. Usually Ephesians 5 is the one we always talk about, but 1 Corinthians 7 has 40 verses of instruction primarily about marriage in various ways. And so we’re going to turn to that today as we regard the state of single people in the context of the church. What is their purpose? So I’ll read from verses 25 through 35 of 1 Corinthians 7.

Please stand for the reading of God’s word. And I will tell you before we begin reading that I’m reading from the ESV. They translate a word that’s normally translated as virgin in this text as betrothed, because later in the text it seems obvious that it’s talking about people that are actually in the process of becoming married. But we really don’t know, and so it’s an okay way to translate it, but virgin would be another way and usually is acceptable.

1 Corinthians 7 beginning at verse 25. Now concerning the betrothed I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. And are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned.

Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning. And those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing. And those who buy as though they have no goods. And those who deal with the world as though they had no dealing with it.

For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and in spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure for your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Let’s pray. Father, our great heart’s desire today is to have undivided devotion to you and whatever calling you’ve placed us in. Bless us, Lord God, through the text of your scriptures today and its exposition to come to a fuller sense of our devotion, our commitment, our being men and women of God. And pray, Lord God, that you would bless us as well with an understanding of the relationship of singles and marrieds in the context of your church. In Jesus’s name we ask it and for the sake of that church and your kingdom. Amen.

Please be seated.

So the opening introduction comment, “Stop it!” is from a reference that most of you won’t know. Like a lot of things that I refer to these days, even Bob Dylan is fading away in people’s memories, even though he’s still with us. But Bob Newhart played a psychiatrist on television for years, and after that show, or maybe toward the end of it, MAD TV had a little skit. You can look it up on YouTube today if you’d like. Just Google “YouTube Bob Newhart Stop it” and you’ll come up with it. And it was a kind of parody on his psychiatrist role.

A woman comes in and sits down with him at his desk and talks about this incredible fear she has of being buried alive. And he says, “Well, you know, I’ve got a solution to your dilemma. I can help you, and I can help you with just two words. So…” She says, “Well, should I take notes?” He says, “Well, I think you can remember. It’s just two words, but you know, if it make you feel better, take notes.” And so she gets out a notepad and he says, “Okay, you ready?” She says, “Yeah.” He says, “Stop it. Stop it right now. Don’t be afraid of being buried alive. It’s not going to happen. Stop it.”

And so then she brings up other troubles and his solution is always the same. Just stop it. Stop it right now. And it’s a very funny bit—not the way I tell it, but it’s funny on the YouTube video you’ll watch this afternoon. And it’s funny for a couple of reasons. One, it’s funny because that’s so often what we think and what we never say anymore in a kind of politically correct world. We never tell each other just to stop it when somebody’s doing something bad. But it’s also kind of funny the other way, because obviously it’s not going to give much help to a person who has so struggled to stop it that they’re seeing a psychiatrist to get healed somehow.

So it’s an interesting little bit, and it relates to what I want to talk about today a little bit. In the context of the Christian faith, first of all, in terms of marriage, how often have you heard a guy say to another guy, “Women, you know, the way they are,” or a woman say, “Well, you know the way the men are”—that sort of stuff. We should just stop. If we understand Christian marriage and the relationship of what we’re going to talk about today—what Tim Keller in his book calls cross-gender enrichment—that really one of the purposes of marriage is to appreciate and love the other so that you become whole again in the context of the original creation: “male and female he created them.” And so there’s a wholeness to correct relationships of men and women that is hindered by these snide comments we make.

But there’s another snide comment we make, and it’s carried about in our hearts. And I think it’s a lot more frequent in our sorts of churches. And I will say that probably I had a good deal to do with this in the early days of Reformation Covenant Church. We have seen the deterioration of the family happen so quickly and so completely in this country that many churches—a lot of CRC churches, you know, in kind of reaction against that—we tend to want to exalt the family and empower families and all that, which is proper to a particular degree. But what we end up doing is kind of denigrating singleness.

And so if men or women are single, they’re sort of looked at as, “Oh, isn’t that too bad?” Right? And we’ll even talk about single people that way. And you know, to those kinds of thoughts in your heart and words on your lips—and the same with me—you know, I want to tell you and tell myself, stop it. Don’t think that way. Paul tells us in today’s text that it’s good to be single, that it’s a calling, it’s a gift. Okay? And we’re going to explain that a little bit more.

And that’s kind of the second part of the stop example: you may not believe me when I just tell you stop it, or you may not have the work of the Holy Spirit going in your heart. But as we look at today’s text, hopefully the Spirit will open your heart up and shine the light of God’s word into it and help you to actually stop it—to not have improper attitudes towards singles.

I have seen in a number of reformed churches quite frankly—and it’s getting to the place where, whenever I see it now, I tell people, you just stop. That’s not right. I noticed it for years, and now I’m trying to actively correct it. What I see is people—you know, sessions or members of a church—will deal with singles as if they’re 12, 13, or 14 years old, even though they may be 25, 30, 40 years old. They’re sort of addressed still as single people, and as single people they’re seen as second-class citizens. I mean, it’s ridiculous. Look for it. Or maybe you’ve seen examples yourself. I’ve seen a number of examples of it, including recently. I had to tell somebody just this last week, “Just stop that. That’s not right.”

You know, adult Christian singles are just as much fully human and fully formed as you are in their particular calling from God. So I want us to stop something, and I want us to change what perhaps we had an error in our early days at this church—with an exultation, almost an idolization, of the married state and along with that, children. It’s hard to be single in our church. It’s hard to be a married couple without kids. And we want to change that as much as we can, right? Because it shouldn’t be.

As we’ve seen in just the reading of the text, these things are states that God has people exist in at least during particular times and seasons, and across that as well. So what we want to do is take a look first at this entire chapter, kind of give a brief overview of it, noting some things particularly, and then we’ll draw out some lessons about the goodness of singleness, the goodness of marriage, et cetera.

So that’s kind of where we’re going. And the goal is sort of right at the beginning, along the way of the goal. I love this cover that Angie put together—our single purpose—and it’s kind of a couple of different messages there. What’s the purpose of singleness, and what is to be all of ours: single purpose, that singles and married all share in. And that’s, you know, what I read at the conclusion of the sermon text: a wholehearted devotion to Jesus. That is what is our single purpose. All right.

So first, an overview of 1 Corinthians 7.

You know, it’s really important—you know, when we read our Bibles—to understand what it is we’re reading. For Jim B. Jordan taught 1 Corinthians to us several years ago at camp, and he started off with a really important point that’s made in a lot of circles, but you know it needs to be restated. And that is that when we read these New Testament epistles, they’re epistles that are written in a particular context. A big historical context is going on: Judaism will be destroyed in AD 70. Okay? And at the same time, the gentile nations surrounding Israel—the oikoumene, that’s the Greek word that’s used in the New Testament, you know, kind of like the people around in the immediate area—Paul doesn’t go all over the world. He goes to the nations around that God had specifically set up in relationship to Judaism, and that thing as well will be put out of sorts. And then we’ll have this expansion of the gospel to the whole world.

So there’s historical transitions going on from AD 30 to AD 70. So when we read a text like the one we just read, particularly that text identifies itself as being a response to particular questions written in their particular circumstance. And he talks about the present distress, et cetera. It’s very important that we don’t just eternalize what’s written and you know, sort of take it out of its immediate context. Now we can—there’s certainly application that we eternalize—but you have to, in order to get to that, understand the particular context in which it’s written.

For instance, how many people make the connection between singleness that Paul exhorts to in the present distress and the prophet Jeremiah? You know, Paul’s like Jeremiah, right? He’s called from his womb. He’s appointed to this particular task. And we don’t know about his previous life, but we know that as Paul writes the epistles, he’s single. Jeremiah is explicitly commanded not to take a wife and not to have kids. And Jeremiah is specifically told the reason for that.

The specific reason is the distress that’s coming upon Judah with the invasion of the Babylonians and all that stuff happening. So the present distress is this kind of destructive thing that’s going to happen, and kids are going to be killed and starved and women will be raped and this and that. It’s just going to be a horrible time, right? And so that’s the reason why Jeremiah is told not to have a wife and not to have kids.

Now when Paul picks up what’s going on historically, that’s what’s going on. The distress that’s happening at that moment, some commentators say, “Well, there was a famine or something.” No. In you, the big picture is what Jeremiah was prophesying: the death and resurrection of Israel was now coming to pass in its ultimate sense—the coming death and resurrection of Jesus—and that would bring the total elimination of Judaism and the destruction of Jerusalem in 40 years. And so you know, it kind of picks it up: what Jeremiah is prophesying is what’s going on as Paul speaks.

So you know, before we start to look at it, there’s a historical context there. And part of this historical context is that you know, ultimately what’s happening is the transition from the old world—the fallen world in Adam, zombie land, where you know people would make each other dead ceremonially by touching one another, right? Death reigned. The Bible says in the old covenant time, there are a lot of blessings and all that stuff, but death reigned. The world was fallen and it pointed toward the coming of the recreation of the world with the coming of Jesus Christ.

And that’s what’s happened. Jesus has inaugurated the kingdom. The kingdom has broken into this fallen world. But you know, it doesn’t happen even in AD 70. That is, the transition is not complete. We live in an overlap of ages. We still live in a world of death, destruction, decay, wars, whatever distresses that come and go. But we also, you know, we’ve got one foot in that world, but our citizenship is in heaven. And our reality is that Jesus is expanding and making manifest his kingdom on earth. The new creation isn’t something far off. It’s already happened and it’s working its way out.

And so this transition point, this overlap, is again part of Paul’s instruction in 1 Corinthians 7. And so you have to kind of read things that way and think about them a little bit in that context. Okay.

Now, let me give you—open your Bibles if you haven’t yet to 1 Corinthians 7, and let’s just do a real quick overview. As you’re turning, you can listen. The text where Jeremiah is told not to have kids is actually in Jeremiah 16. And the word of the Lord comes to him. “You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place. For thus says the Lord concerning the sons and daughters who are born in this place, and concerning their mothers who bore them, and their fathers who begot them: They shall die grievous deaths. They shall not be lamented.” So Jeremiah 16.

Now back to 1 Corinthians 7.

So what happens here? Well, the chapter starts by saying, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me.” Now this phrase—concerning the things—this happens at several points throughout Corinthians. Let me just read. This is the first one, but there’ll be another one in this chapter in verse 25. He’ll say the same thing: “Now concerning these things about the betrothed.” That was the verse we read. In chapter 8, verse 1, we read concerning “the things offered to food offered to idols.” 1 Corinthians 12, “Now concerning spiritual gifts,” which we’ll come back to toward the end of the sermon. Chapter 16, “concerning the collection for the saints.” Verse 12 of 16, “concerning our brother Apollos.” So he gives us these particular designations as a way of sort of helping us to understand the flow of the book.

And so we have here a definite chapter or a section heading where Paul says, “Concerning the things which you wrote to me about.” And he then cites one of the things they wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” So they’re asking about sexual relationships, marriage, et cetera, in their letter to him that he is answering. And so he’s answering a series of subjects. And the chapter breaks itself out into two parts.

If you glance down at verse 25, 1 Corinthians 7, “Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment.” Let me just, by the way, put away any doubts you have about that. You know, so the question is from them: well, what did Jesus say about this? And he says, well, Jesus didn’t actually say anything in the Gospels about this. So there’s not a direct command from him that I can point you to. But I’m going to tell you this, and I’m trustworthy. And we know from the canonization of the scriptures that Paul’s word is just as good as Jesus’s word. It is Jesus’s word to this church. So that’s all he’s saying—he’s differentiating not his opinion that can be followed or not followed, but he’s saying this isn’t a direct quotation from Jesus. It’s an explication of what Jesus taught in this particular circumstance. Okay.

Well, in any event, so in this first issue, verses 1 through—or verses 2 to 5—Paul is addressing a topic we’re going to talk about in two weeks, and that’s marriage and sexuality. And he gives some commands here relative to people who are married and how they should not withhold conjugal relationships. And he talks about how each spouse owns the other spouse’s body. And we’ll talk about this in a couple of weeks, but it’s a very important section here in terms of Christian marriage. This whole chapter basically is on marriage.

So verses 2 to 5 is about sex and marriage. In verse 6, we then have—after this is said—he says, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this: I wish that all were as myself. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” So now Paul has shifted in verse 6. Now he’s giving advice and discussing singleness, and he’s actually commending singleness to them here.

You know, this doesn’t mean that what he wrote about the goodness of marriage in Ephesians 5 is wrong. It means that it’s also not wrong to be single. And actually, in particular places and times, he regards it as better. And during this transition, he regards it as a better thing. Now, the question is: how long is it better? Is it just better until AD 70 comes? Or is it just better because later in the chapter he says “from now on,” and it seems to indicate you know, all of human history once Jesus has come—not quite sure, but it doesn’t really matter. What Paul is saying here is that particular times and for particular reasons, in particular seasons, singleness is better. I mean, you can’t get around that, right? Singleness is better. Marriage isn’t bad, but he actually commends singleness to us here.

So verses 6 to 9 deal with that. Verse 8: “To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single.” Now, he doesn’t say it’s better there, but he says it’s good. So, the goodness of being single, remaining single, is specifically given to us in the canon of scripture in these verses.

So, so we just, you know, if you start thinking of single people as needing something before they get married, needing to be completed, you know, to be a full person—stop it. I tell myself, I tell you, stop it. Right? I mean, I think it’s true that if somebody’s going to become married, there’s sort of half a person till that happens. And there’s a truth to maleness apart from femaleness and femaleness apart from maleness is being half a person. But the way that cross-gender enrichment happens isn’t just in the context of marriage. Otherwise, this thing that Paul is saying is better would actually be worse. We’ll talk about that in a little bit.

But you see what I’m saying? Paul says, “Hey, the word of God says: we line up our thoughts and our hearts with what God says, not with our traditions.” We saw last week the reformers were about challenging traditions with the word of God. We don’t obey our traditions, our conservative instincts, our familistic, patriarchal instincts. Forget that stuff. Our standard is the word of God. And the word of God, if you’re single here today, the word of God tells you it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing. Now, you may not stay single, but he tells you, and he wants you to know. He wants your church to know. He wants your pastors to know. Stop thinking of singles as somehow secondary citizens in the kingdom, men or women.

You know, it’s so important that we see that.

Well, anyway, so we’re going through 1 Corinthians 7. And Paul says that he says it’s good for them to remain single as he is. If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with passion. I’m going to discuss this a little later, but there’s absolutely no reason to assume that passion only refers to sexuality. We’ll come back to that.

So he says, “Singleness is good.” In verses 6 to 9, he talks about it. In chapter 10, he shifts over to another topic again related to the married—to marriage. “To the married I give this charge, not I but the Lord: The wife should not separate from her husband.” So verses 10 to 16 is a discussion of marriage, separation, or rather marital separation and marital divorce. So you know, those are seven verses you should look to if you’re concerned about this stuff, and that’s what he addresses next in this epistle.

Now I think verse 17 is kind of the center of the chapter, and verse 17 says this: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him.” So now we’re transitioning away from divorce and separation, and that transition happens in verse 17. But I think if you want to sort of sum up the entire chapter, okay, there’s that great statement toward the end about devotion, but sort of the center of it I think is this: and that is “let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him.” That’s the secret. Contentment with the particular calling you’re at that moment and to lead that life—whether it’s singleness, marriage, whether you’ve ended up divorced through you know, sin by other people—whatever state you’re in, God says it’s okay. He’s assigned you a particular state. Now lead that life. Do it well. And the implications for singles of course is quite obvious.

And then he goes on to say, “This is my rule in all the churches,” so he kind of gives a centrality to this—sort of sums up what 1 Corinthians 7 is all about. Lead the life God has provided for you. And then he goes on to say, “Was anyone at the time of this call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the mark of circumcision.” So now he’s saying, “Whatever state you were called in—circumcised, uncircumcised, bondman, freedman—it’s good to be free,” he says, but you know, if you can’t, you can’t. Lead the life God has assigned to you.

So these next verses, verses 18 to 24, more deal with this idea of different states that you find yourself in, and it’s okay. Verse 24 says, “So brothers, in whatever condition one was called there, let him remain with God.” And it sort of repeats 17, breaking that up into a section.

Then in verse 25, he changes topics. “Now concerning the betrothed, I have no commandment from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who is by God’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you married? Stay married. Are you not married? Don’t try to get married.” So he tells us here in these verses as the chapter moves ahead, he specifically addresses the subject of the betrothed and whether that’s virgins or somebody about to be married. It’s kind of hard to describe. We’d have to take more time than we have today to get into that. And it has implications for father-daughter relationships in terms of giving away daughters in marriage. But we don’t want to get into all that.

But the point is he’s saying that under certain conditions it’s okay, and even maybe a good thing, not to have a wife. And he goes on then to explain this in terms of what he’s thinking. “This is what I mean, brothers. Verse 29: The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, for those who have wives—those who have wives, let them live as though they had none. Those who mourn as though they were not mourning.”

Now, what he’s saying here is not pretend you don’t have a wife. He’s saying don’t hold on to that too tightly, because new things are happening. And so, he begins to give an explanation. And that explanation in terms of the goodness of both singleness and married life seems to be this: “from now on” phrase that means it doesn’t just mean in that one historical period. It covers other historical periods and times and circumstances as well.

And then he says, he gives his motivation. Verse 32: “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

So he’s saying that, you know, he’s not saying if you’re married, you’re substandard to single. It sounds like that, doesn’t it? But he’s saying there are certain advantages to this state or that state. And one advantage of singleness is you have the ability—whether you do it or not—for kind of an undivided attention to the Lord. Now I also don’t think he’s saying that if you’re married you can’t do that, but he’s saying that it becomes more difficult because you’re trying to have undivided devotion to the Lord and caring for a family that’s in present distress.

So this “present distress” thing maybe is what we should read about and think about Wednesday morning, depending on what’s going on in the country and what happened with the election. I don’t know. But I know that times are tough, and I know that these verses actually do begin to have more significance for us, right? I mean, unemployment’s much tougher, and the man is tempted to sinfully be anxious about it more if he’s not just worried about his own, you know, food and shelter, but if he’s got wife and children. So that’s what Paul is saying. He’s giving some reasons why, you know, there are some particular advantages to singleness apart from being married. And it has to do with anxiety.

But in all cases, what he’s trying to do, whether married or single, is to create this single-mindedness, devotion to the Lord. He goes on in verse 36: “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, and this is where we don’t want to get into a big discussion about what that means—if his passions are strong and it has to be done, let him do as he wish. Let them marry. It’s no sin. Whatever. Forget the particular thing what’s going on.”

But what he’s saying is if, on the other hand, even though singleness can have its advantages, if you marry, that’s okay. It’s good too. Whatever state the Lord calls you to—if you want to get married, get married. If you want to stay single, stay single.

And then he closes it off with the last few verses where he talks about remarriage. And he says importantly in verse 38: “Then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.” So again he kind of gives the priority to singleness. “If a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes. So now he’s moving on to this last topic: remarriage. And he says explicitly, “Only in the Lord.”

And so this is another proof text where the Bible, from really beginning to end, tells us you should only marry a Christian. You should marry in the Lord. And this verse reinforces that. Okay.

So that’s kind of the thrust of this chapter. He marches through several topics in response to particular questions. He talks about marriage and sex in verses 2 to 5. He talks about the single life and being single in verses 6 to 9. In verses 10 to 16, he talks about divorce and what’s going on there. In verse 17 is my idea of the heart of the chapter, which is contentment in whatever state God has called you to, explained a little in verses 18 to 24. Then he moves to the topic of the betrothed and finally to remarriage at the end of the chapter. So he really addresses all kinds of questions about marriage. All right.

What does it mean to us? Well, first of all, by way of application, he is talking about the goodness of being single. This is outline point two.

Now, okay, and these will go fairly quickly. The goodness of being single. As I said, but let me read the text again. “I wish that all men were even as myself. Single, in other words. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this matter and another in another matter. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I.” Verse 26: “I suppose therefore that there is good—because of that—it is good because of the present distress. It’s good for a man to remain as he is, single, in other words.” And then verse 27: “Are you bound to a wife? Don’t seek to be released. Are you loose from a wife? Do not seek a wife.” So it’s good not to seek a wife.

So Paul repeatedly talks about the goodness of singleness.

Now, this—as I mentioned earlier in the baptism comments—this is really countercultural in the Greek and Roman world. Marriage was everything, was everything. And not just the Greek and Roman world—throughout ancient history, the family is the power institution. You have children so that you have some hope for the future. Which means if you don’t have a wife and you don’t have kids, you’ve got no hope for yourself. Your line is cut off as a single person. And so being single was always a bad thing, always a bad thing.

Apart from these positive instructions from Paul within the context of the Christian church, the Christian church should not be people that pressure singles to get married. Now, you know, some people are not remaining single for right reasons, and their sanctification, you know, should help them to get away from that. But as a general rule, it is not the role of the Christian church to tell singles that they can only find fulfillment and fullness as saints of God in the married state. That’s just a lie. And if you think of it, that’s what pagan cultures teach. It’s a lie. And I know this sounds a little strange, but in a way, it’s a lie from the pit of hell. It deempowers a number of people that God calls to singleness in the context of the church. And it weakens the church. It weakens the ministries of the church. It weakens the effectiveness of the church to do that to singles. Stop it. God’s word says just stop it. Don’t do it anymore.

The spirit of God says that’s pagan thinking—to think that single people are somehow not as good as married people. Oh, we love to do that because we’d love to think of ourselves as better by putting down somebody that’s different from us. And it’s nice to have the singles around, to sort of, in our minds, you know, self-justification is what we’re all about in our flesh. And we want to self-justify ourselves in the married state by saying we’re better than the single people. It’s just not true.

So Christianity empowers singleness. You know, it actually talks about the goodness of it—quite unique. And the reason for this is, you know, I said this is the second marriage chapter. The other one is Ephesians 5. And Ephesians 5 doesn’t contradict this. You say, well, it seems to contradict it, Dennis. Ephesians 5 is all about how sanctification happens with marriage and how great marriage is. Yeah, but Ephesians 5, remember, says that marriage is a pointer to something outside of the marriage, to some eternal truth that’s ultimate: the gospel of Jesus Christ and our salvation and union with him. Right? That’s what marriage is. We know this as Christians.

What that tells us, though, is that marriage, in the words of some people, is penultimate. Marriage is not the ultimate. Penultimate is the thing before the ultimate. Marriage points to the ultimate. But marriage is not the ultimate. And I think in a lot of conservative Reformed, CRC sort of congregations, we’ve kind of idolized marriage as being this great thing. And if you just get married, you know, we see the Disney cartoons—you get married and you live happily ever after. That’s it. It’s the ultimate. But in the Bible, it’s not the ultimate. It’s pointing towards something else.

And actually, as we’ve said, not only does it point to something else, it’s given for sanctification, so that you’d get better about who you are—not that you’ve arrived, but to help you arrive and continue to arrive in your growing sanctification. That’s the purpose of marriage. So Ephesians 5 actually buttresses, I think, what Paul is saying here. Yes, it’s a good state—the married state. Yes, it points to something else. But because it does, it is sin. It is idolatrous sin to place marriage as the ultimate of human relationships and to denigrate single life because of that.

You know, I hope I’m not shocking anybody. We should—we’ll have Q&A afterwards. If you want to, you know, bring me up on charges or whatever you want to do, do it. That’s okay with me. I think the texts here are clear. But it is—I’m trying to make the point powerfully because, you know, I think in our circles again, this is something we need to hear. I need to hear it. We need to hear it. Singleness is seen as good. And actually sometimes singleness is better, because it can give the single person undivided attention without the potentially sinful distractions that marriage and children bring. I said “potentially.” Marriage is not inherently sinful, right? And not inherently distracting from the things of the Lord. Hopefully, you hold your marriage as second in second place to your relationship to Christ and as serving that relationship. But marriage provides a particular distraction capability that singleness doesn’t have. And it produces less trouble in life, right? Just—there’s less things you got to worry about, less bills to pay, et cetera.

So the single state is commended, and it actually is—from certain perspectives—it has unique benefits to it that marriage does not have.

There was a woman named Paige Benton Brown who wrote an article called “Singled Out by God for Good.” And Tim Keller in his book on marriage talks about her. And here’s a quote from her about this First Corinthians text. She says, “I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me.”

Now, I think that’s the right attitude. This is his best for me. Now, there may be things that are creating your singleness that are sinful, right? And maybe you want to get married and you don’t really want to be single, and there’s some sins you got to deal with. Fine, great. But you remember: marriage is a gift. I mean, if I had to wait around till I got really good at stuff before I got married, I never would have got married. Marriage is given to sanctify us. Don’t forget that. You don’t pre-sanctify so that you can walk into marriage without need for sanctification. The very purpose of marriage according to Ephesians 5 is sanctification.

So I think Paige Brown is right. We get a lot of support in this text for the goodness of the single life, and that support is actually buttressed—as I said—by Ephesians 5, not torn down, because it points to marriage as penultimate, not ultimate. And this is why I think at the top of the outlines today it talks about “singleness, marriage, and idolatry.” You know, we are good in our fallen state at making idols out of anything. We can make an idol out of marriage. We can make an idol out of singleness. Our single purpose—whether you’re single and your purpose or whether we’re all married and single together—our single purpose is devotion to Christ. And to accomplish that, we need to tear down every idol that raises itself against Christ. And marriage and the family is potentially a great idolatry that people fall into.

And of course, like all idols, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t satisfy. If you make marriage too grand a thing, you become incredibly disillusioned. If you make marriage too little a thing, then maybe you’re contenting yourself with something that’s really not going to give you contentment, because you should be striving to achieve marriage, even if God gives you a spouse or not. So, idolatry is capable. There’s two ditches in this, and we want to stay in the middle.

There’s goodness to being married, and I just wanted to mention here briefly that when Paul talks about this passion, you know, remember that part of the context of these epistles too is Greek Roman culture with kind of a gnostic mindset: sexuality is bad, physical stuff is bad, passions are bad. And so Paul is correcting that. And all he’s saying here in verse 9, “If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. It is better for them to marry than to burn with passion”—I you know, you can interpret that lots of ways. And passion is used in a lot of different ways in the scriptures. There’s no doubt there’s a sexual component to it, but he’s not saying that’s bad. What he’s saying is simply that if you’re two single people, even though there are advantages to being single, and he thinks it’s probably good to be single at particular points in time, what he’s saying is if you’re really passionate about your relationship with that other single person, yeah, get married. Go ahead.

Yeah, you got that kind of passion. That kind of attraction to one another. And I would say comprehensive passion is what Paul is talking about. Not just sexual attraction—maybe not even primarily that—but a passionate love for that person. Paul is affirming here, I think, what we would call today romantic love. You’ve got—you can see glimpses of what that person’s going to be in God. It excites you. You love him for it. You love her for it. You want to be part of the process whereby you bring each other to completion. You seem to have this kind of thread that runs through your life where you’re just sort of like the yin to the yang. You’ve got this passionate attraction because of that. Paul says, “Get married. It’s okay. Marriage is good. Singleness is good. Passion is good.”

Paul isn’t, you know, somehow he’s not saying, you know, he’s not really talking about celibacy, the gift of celibacy. He’s talking about if there is passion between two singles, nothing wrong with getting married. It’s okay. Right? That’s what Paul, I think, is saying here.

So marriage is good too. And we don’t want to ignore that. So marriage is good. Again, don’t be overly you know, valuing marriage, and don’t be undervaluing marriage. You may think, well, I’ve got this great relationship with this gal or guy. We’re passionate about that relationship. We sure think we should get married. Pastor Terry says that Paul says being single is good. We better break this thing off because we want to be able to wholeheartedly serve at RCC. No. No. You got that passion thing going on. You got that attraction that God has brought into your life. Get married. Get married.

So marriage is good. Okay.

Four: problem with singleness—cross-gender enrichment and sanctification.

I can just touch on this, but remember we said that part of the purpose of marriage is sanctification. And specifically—and we’ll talk about this next week more—we’re going to talk about loving the other. You, as a man, you got to marry a woman, and as a woman, you got to marry a man, and you’re quite different from one another. Okay? And what happens there is—remember that originally God created man—”male and female he created them.” Right? So man is made for community and for cross-gender—to use modern terminology. I give up. I’ll submit to “gender” instead of “sex.” Specifically, cross-gender community is the reflection of the image of God. And marriage lets you do that better. You know, after you’ve lived with a man or a woman—you know, your opposite sex—if you’re trying to do what Jesus wants you to do, you’re sort of starting to understand the opposite sex. And when you do that, that should help you in your relationships with other members of the opposite sex who aren’t your spouse. Understand? Because you’re kind of becoming more complete in this cross-gender enrichment.

Well, if you’re single, how does that happen? Aren’t you at a real disadvantage? And in some ways you are, right? I mean, you’re just—in some ways you are. But in some ways you’re not. Why not? Because in our times, if we have a spouse, then we have to be really careful about any friendships with other women or other men—you know, opposite-sex friendships. It can prove quite problematic. Jealousy, temptation, you—all kinds of stuff happen. So, usually married people, they only have one close friend of the opposite sex, or one friend of the opposite sex. But single people can have multiple friends of the opposite sex, and there’s not the same difficulties of jealousy and you know, unfaithfulness and all that stuff going on, because it’s not a sexual relationship in the sense of intimacy. It’s a relationship that is providing cross-gender enrichment but it’s providing that in the context of a group of people—multiple friendships with people of the opposite sex.

And where does this happen? This happens in a church, right? You don’t want to do this outside of the church. You don’t want to have a lot of pagan friends of the opposite sex. That is, real problems. Proverbs warns over and over about that. But in the context of the church, this is why some churches have the dreaded youth group, the dreaded college age group, right? The segmenting of our—I should make fun of it. There are real difficulties, things you got to be careful with. But, you know, the point is: if you, the question is, are you going to influence church leadership groups of men and women getting together from teenage years up, or are they just going to get together without any Christian spin to it? Because they’re going to get together.

So, churches, I think, should provide opportunities, informal and sometimes formal, for cross-gender enrichment—so to speak. So relationships can form in service and in recreation for Christ with members of the opposite sex so that you can then begin, as a man, to understand women, and you can, as a woman, begin to understand men a little better, because that’s where true community and wholeness is found. There is this completeness that happens.

I want to read a quote here from Tim Keller’s book. He says this: “I propose that within each Christian community, you watch for and appreciate the inevitable differences that will appear between male and female in your particular generation, culture, people in place. Now, single—older single people, I’m talking to you now. Wait for them to appear. Know them. Talk about them among yourselves. Notice that—not ‘like women, oh, boys, men.’ No, that’s not how you’re supposed to talk about them. Talk about them positively. The differences. Notice the distinct idols which—both have and they have in your—in which women have or men have and have in your particular generation, culture, and place. Notice the strengths—if you’re a guy—women have and men have in your generation, culture, and place. What are the particular strengths of the opposite sex? Notice communication modes, decision-making skills, leadership styles, life priorities, and the balance of work and family. Once you see them, respect and appreciate them. Without the gospel, people disdain the other. With the gospel, we appreciate the other.”

So, even though singleness has this unique difficulty of cross-gender enrichment, it isn’t a dead end. We—it can be accomplished, but you have to be intentional about it, more intentional than you are when you have a wife.

Five: problem of marriage—distraction. Marriage can distract you from particular kingdom work.

Six: the gift of singleness and gifts in First Corinthians.

So, you know, we read the text that this is a gift—singleness is a gift, right? And so people talk about the gift of celibacy. Let me read you the various ways “gifts” is used in 1 Corinthians. 1:7: “You come so that you come short in no gift.” He commends the Corinthians that they come short in no gift. 7:7: “I wish then that all men were even as myself. This is our paragraph text today. Each one has his own gift.” So he says if you’re going to be like me, it requires—it is related rather—to this gift. Each has a gift that God has provided. Right? Chapter 12:4: “Diversities of gifts, but the same spirit.” Chapter 12:9: “To another faith by the same spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same spirit.” And what I’m doing is I’m taking a particular Greek word that’s translated “gift” in relationship to being single, but we’re looking at every other occurrence. There are seven of them of this same word in 1 Corinthians. And you’ll see what happens.

Verse 28 of chapter 12: “God has appointed these in the church. First apostles, second prophets, et cetera…varieties of the gifts of healings, helps, administrations, varieties of tongues.” Gifts of healing, help, administrations. Verse 30: “Do all have gifts of healings? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret?” Verse 31: “But earnestly desire the best gifts. And yet I show you a more excellent way.”

Every other occurrence of this word “gift” has nothing to do with a gift that you’ve been given that just stays with you and somehow it’s all about you. Every other occurrence of “gift” is something that—it’s a gift. It’s given from God. It’s good first of all. So if singleness is a gift, that means it’s good. Every good gift comes down from the Father of lights from above. But most importantly here, single people, hear me now. Hear me well. If you have the gift of singleness—even for just for a season, right?—but Paul is saying is that’s a gift. And he says, if you want to marry later, that’s okay. That gift is not a gift of singleness or celibacy for you. That is a gift that you are to the church. Okay?

That’s what all the other gifts in First Corinthians are all about. They’re gifts to be used in helping other people become more fruitful. And single people, you have unique abilities—not having the distractions, the money problems, the time commitments to a family that are required by that. You’ve got unique opportunities to serve in the context of the body of Jesus Christ. You are a gift to the church, not just so that you can go around single by yourself. That’s what a gift is in the Bible. A gift is that.

So if you have the gift of singleness—even if just for a season—God says you’re gifted to a particular purpose, and that purpose is to serve in the church and to increase the fruitfulness of other people. Our singles should be the first people that volunteer for an awful lot of stuff, right? And frequently they are, by the way. I don’t mean to say in this church they don’t. They do a great job. But that’s—if you know, understand—that’s what being—the goodness of singleness includes the goodness to the church.

The purpose of marriage and singleness is to lead the life. It is to have this devotion and commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. You know, I mentioned Paige Brown’s article. She has this quote that kind of wraps it up. Let’s face it, she said, “Singleness is not an inherently inferior state of affairs, but I want to be married. I pray to that end every day. I may meet somebody and walk down the aisle in the next couple of years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date because God is so good to me. Both states are okay. Both states are okay to be desired.”

But what Paige Brown is saying is exactly right. The particular place you’re in, God has placed you there, whether married or single, so that you might have undivided devotion to Jesus Christ. That’s why he’s done it. And while you’re single, yeah, nobody’s saying be single forever, but you’re single now because of the goodness of God to you. Because he loves you so much. This is the calling. Paul said everybody should live to “lead the life that God has appointed to them.” Lead it well. Lead it with true commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. Lead it with devotion. That word “devotion,” right? “Undivided devotion.” It means always being around somebody. It means commitment to somebody. It means a vow.

And what singles and married people in this church—our single purpose is to be men and women of God. And God uses our singleness and our marriedness to do just that in our lives. That is the purpose: our single purpose. Whether you’re single or married, as Christians, is that kind of wholehearted devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ.

I want to end by quoting from the book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah chapter 1, verse 4: “The word of the Lord came to me saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I sanctified you. I ordained you a prophet to the nations.’”

Now those are wonderful words—wonderful words for us. There is a tie to Paul, as I noted earlier. But listen—this is what God says. I think about you as well. Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were—before the moment of conception, God knew you. He knows you in eternity. And in the Bible, “knows” means to love. God has set his love upon you, Christian, as you sit here today, from eternity. From before you were born. Okay? God knew you. And that’s a wonderful, comforting thing. That’s gospel. But look at the response. “Before you were born, I sanctified you. I had a purpose for you from the womb.”

Single people today, you know what you should know is that before you were born, God set you apart for particular purposes. And part of that purpose in your life right now is being single. It’s not some second-class deal. It’s not some kind of—you know, you’re not inferior. You’re only partly formed or something. No. God knew you from before eternity. That’s gospel. And your response is to recognize he sanctified you for a particular purpose. Embrace that purpose. Wholehearted devotion to Jesus Christ in whatever form it finds in your life.

And when you do that, you’re responding to the good news that being single, being married, are good states before God in Jesus Christ. They both are aspects that God uses for the purposes by which he’s sanctified us. God has sanctified you. He’s got a purpose for your life. Maybe next year the purpose is marriage, but right now, if you’re single, the purpose that he sanctified you for somehow has something to do with your singleness and being able to serve him in ways that married people just can’t.

And I would just extend this to people without children. You know, you’re not second-class couples. You’ve got unique opportunities. Nothing wrong with getting kids in whatever way you’re going to get them, but nothing wrong with not having kids either. You’ve got a particular gifting from God for a particular season. That season may end in six months, nine months, a year, two years. Who knows? But right now, that’s part of what God has provided for you. And your response is to see that as sanctification for the particular purpose God has for you to serve him with wholehearted devotion to lead the life that you have now—being content with that, even though you may work for other things, but content, knowing that is the life that the Lord God has apportioned to you.

Lead that life this week. Lead it with wholehearted commitment and devotion to Christ. Don’t be a partial Christian. Use your singleness and your marriage for the prime purpose of being devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ, his church, his people, his kingdom.

Let’s pray. Lord God, we thank you for this singleness of purpose that you give us from the beginning of the Bible to the end. We thank you, Father, for our singles in our midst. Bless them, Lord God. And those that are desiring marriage, we pray you’d answer those prayers, but help them to be content with singleness in the meantime. And help them, Lord God, to be content that even if they never have another date in their lives, not to doubt your love or your goodness, Lord God, but to know that your love for them, Father, help your church here, particularly the married couples, not to pressure singles to think of themselves as somehow inferior. Help us, Lord God, not to cause them to doubt the goodness of your love, should they never end up in a married state, even though they may desire it.

And help them, Father, to see that their singleness at this point in time is a gift for the ministry to be used in the context of your people and church to cause fruitfulness for others. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.